NagaZine 2023

NagaZine, a local zine and art expo, started some time in 2019. It has its foundations in BLTX (with most of the organizers having been a part of BLTX Naga), and the movement has just naturally progressed towards focusing on a more local vibe, marked by the changing of name and the setting of new practices: as much as possible, leadership and planning should be passed to the next batch of young creators. This is to maintain sustainability as well as empowerment, especially for the new generation.

We were supposed to have NagaZine in early 2020 but the pandemic happened, and so the next one was held in December 2021, revived by a partnership of two parties (at this time I was on hiatus, so I didn’t get to participate [I went there as a casual audience]). A follow-up was expected in 2022 but there were some critical factors (weather, critical local event) which resulted to its postponement — it was moved to January 2023:

Last Saturday was a lotta fun. I was able to participate again via the revived student organization I am currently moderating (I’ll fill you in about this someday). Sadly I didn’t sell anything coz I couldn’t finish my new material during the break. Most of the planning and actions were carried out by the kids in the organization, and my participation was more on support and set-up. Our team was given the registration role but I also helped another team in the physical reconfiguration of the venue (coz currently I find happiness in literally carrying heavy stuff). So I got to haul tables and chairs to prep for the main event.

It was great to see familiar and new faces in venue. It was even satisfying to see more kids getting curious about art and literary matters. The host area we had chosen — Kape-Kapehan — is a hang out place of students from various schools, so the foot traffic was good, and we were able to open the scene further to a wider audience. Hopefully the event will inspire some of them to start their own group and, someday, join the event (or organize their own).

All-in-all NagaZine 2023 was a success. The flow of people peaked some time around 4PM to 6PM, and a lotta stuff were sold (on our end: our zines from ALA were sold out). But what’s more critical about this is that event has, in a way, piqued some interest among the youth. I would go around the tables to check the flow and traffic, and sometimes ask the sellers if they needed anything. While I was on duty I saw people from the tables conversing with the audience, talking about the trinkets and zines on sale, sharing concepts, passing business cards along the way. It was amazing to witness artists getting positively giddy over their first sale, and getting some contagious encouragement from their friends who went there to support the participants. Thank god there were no weather disasters this time (most of the previous events were plagued by heavy rains). We finally wrapped up at around 9PM, with the participating organizations all happy and satisfied.

Discard

Here’s the thing: I was supposed to make some new materials for this January’s NagaZine during the break but I got caught up with a lot of shenanigans that I neglected my goal.

It sucks, I know, but I can’t just release my stuff out there half-assed and drafty, so I thought about Plan B: just republish some old works. At first it felt easy, a little too convenient in fact, but as soon as I had printed the master hardcopy for reproduction something stopped me from proceeding further.

I reviewed the content. I’m still proud of them actually, given that I had also worked hard to complete the project. However, the zine itself was around 7 years old already, written by a very different me. It felt unfair, not just for the participants who are currently doing their best to produce new works, but also for me — I had to let go.

So I decided to just stop the production. If I’m going to participate I have to do it right. As a personal promise I will churn out new work on the next event, but I have to start producing as soon as now. I already have a couple of drafts on my desk, but they need some fine tuning (and more insight). I may not finish the project this time, but I’ll make sure to finalize the matter by the next expo (probably in June).

Here’s to letting go.

Little Victories

This is a really, really good book

Reading has been quite difficult for me since the pandemic started. Honestly, I don’t think I was able to finish any book last year. There was just too much mental dread and distraction going on, and it was hard for me to focus.

This year I tried my best to settle for “little victories.” It’s a way for me to beat languish (which has been quite the buzzword since the start of the year). During the first quarter I borrowed books from the library, hoping to at least respark my motivation, but eventually gave up after a few pages. Gah.

Last month I pulled a book by Sven Birkerts from our shelf at home (it’s a book that my wife found at BookSale ages ago; she still loves it and recommends the author once in a while). I checked a few chapters and liked a number of essays. I kept reading without skipping anything, but the struggle was still there, still real. Sometimes the phrases made sense. Sometimes I had to repeat certain parts to review my capability to comprehend basic lines. But I kept reading.

Just last night, at 9 o’clock, I was able to finish the book. Holy shit.

Here’s to little victories.

BLTX Naga: DIYos Mabalos!

It all started when our little group, Meet-Every-Other-Weekend (MEOW) Club, decided to participate in BLTX IX in Cubao last December. There we were able to meet and chat with Adam & Chingbee (members of the Youth and Beauty Brigade and founders of the event), and get to know what a small press/DIY expo feels like.

From what I can recall Adam opened the possibility of holding the next BLTX here in Naga City (previous ones — the regional visits — were held in Davao and Baguio). Of course, there was much hesitation since 1]  we really don’t a zine scene in Bikol (though there were groups who were into self-publication & komix), and 2] organizing stuff like this one is tricky, especially when the region’s climate is set to ‘rain [a lot]’ most of the time. But Adam recommended that the initial event doesn’t have to be something big. A small number of participants will do just fine. And so a few weeks later, after some careful consideration and  discernment, we decided to take up the challenge of organizing Better Living Through Xeroxography here in the city.

Initially we were thinking of holding it in December, but some time in April (or May) the YBB asked if holding it in June or July was possible. We then had a discussion in our group. After the meeting, well, sure… let’s do this.

Little by little we started inviting people/groups and most of them were up to it too. Some of the MEOW members tried to find the best possible place (in the end it was Anthosia), while some invited more participants. In June, all interested groups met at a restaurant to finalize the venue, agree on how much to contribute for the reservation, and prep for the event. After a week, an official teaser ad was released.

——

30 July 2016, Saturday, BLTX Naga happened.

And it was a blast! 

The venue was packed despite the presence of a tropical storm (signal no. 1 was declared that day and it was rainy as hell in the early afternoon). Those who visited BLTX Naga soaked themselves in this fun, creative, and sometimes crazy ambiance. The crowd flow was thick & slow as they took time browsing the items and chatting with the creators. Ahj and I were just too busy coordinating with our participants, from getting food to uploading the pics to get more people to come.

What I love about the event was that I witnessed the Bikol youth meeting/interacting with our writers & artists. Some considered it as a baptism of fire (for first time publishers); some considered it as a reunion. The participating groups were satisfied to have solid sales, while a number of zines/books/stuff were sold out. Most importantly, the audience — from friends to walk-ins — were exposed to local art and literature outside mainstream channels. I’m sure that some of the kids have slowly acquired this creative itch, and I hope that they’ll be able to scratch it by producing literature/art themselves.

People were already asking when the next zine expo will be. There’s a probability that it’ll happen this December. We’ll most probably join the simultaneous BLTX celebration with Cubao, Baguio, and Davao.

——-

Other thoughts/tips on the event:

• We had an amusing online (and personal) discussion on the pricing of the zines. There’s no standard pricing actually, but you have to make an imaginary agreement with the potential buyer. Not too high, not too low — just enough to enable you produce another batch of materials (new and/or old).
• Bringing personal table[s] is highly recommended.
• Bring more change: a lotta coins and smaller bills if possible.
• People usually cram, but we highly recommend that they upload excerpts of their works as soon as possible. Get the hype early.
• Bring personal ventilation devices & refreshments (e.g. fans, water, etc…).
• Order food and drinks earlier to avoid hunger and dehydration. A list would be great.
• Prepare a preview/browsing copy. Know how to pitch your stuff.
• Just an observation, but I think there’s a need to invite more schools as participants. We had a lot of Ateneans and CBSUAns in the venue, but we hope that we’ll be able to get people from USI, UNC, NCF, and other schools in Bikol next time. Establishing solid communication channels is the key.
• Works may hit or miss depending on personal tastes, and the audience vary. Keep your cool when they put back the stuff instead of purchasing them (it happens a lot, and it’s totally normal).
• If you’re curious about the works, feel free to ask the authors present.

——-

Anyhoo, we wish to thank Adam David and Chingbee Cruz of the Youth & Beauty Brigade for starting all of this (may you have more BLTXs around the country), the High Chair peeps (for giving us a fresher perspective in crafting & “workshopping” poetry & production), Team Paypay (comprised of Ada, Kim, Jaypee, Eeya, and a whola lotta DACA students), the arts & crafts duo of Bem & Veeyah, Jerome & the CBSUA kids, Maki & her husband of Kataga, Joana Verdeflor & her partner who fused together fashion and poetry,  Parasurat Bikolnon/Wiki Philippines & Team Kabulig coordinated by Irvin, Dennis Gonzaga (your tarot cards rock), MEOW peeps (you know who you are!), Ateneo Literary Association, Progressive Organization of English Majors, Monique & Tina & Van & the rest of DARS, the peeps of Anthosia who took the risk of holding our event & for understanding & managing the chaos, to Lain Hilario for helping us bring some extra tables to the venue (and for the pictures shown here [extra cred goes to Mai who also took some pics using Lain’s cam]), Ma’am Doods for all the amazing support to young writers, ADNU-Center for Culture & the Arts for the financial assistance, the ADNU Supreme Student Government for the signal boost, and all you lovely, beautiful people — may you be personal friends or friends in art & literature — who took the time & effort to visit us despite the rain. DIYOS MABALOS SAINDO GABOS!

I also wish to personally thank this lovely lady who, despite being sick, gave her best to assist everyone in the venue. I love you, Ahj!

 

Am

I am an irreconcilable belief system.

I am a star, falling in the mid-afternoon.

I am a broken whisper.

I am partially aware of your internal revolution.

I am the eye above your shoulder blade.

I am a system of inconsistencies.

I am a fish, swimming between your sighs.

I am a body of intimacies.

I am a conjunction: & you shall be disconnected.

I am here for your anxieties.

I am a figment of your intoxication.

I am the voice inside your nostalgia box.

I am a pre-recorded argument.

I am a sleep of depravity.

I am your situation on the horizon.

I am an exercise of denial.

I am the dog in the dark corner, waiting.

I am just teething on jagged gums.

I am the rust in your gift.

I am hidden outside privileges.

I am the unspent August — the calendar is late.

I am an a; I am the the.

from “Crowds and Power”

Fresh Ink

So I attended two events which involved the participation of young writers — and by “young” I mean those who are just starting out. Last Thursday I attended the summer PaperCup Session (the first of a series?) held by the organization’s new core group, and just this weekend I was able to observe this year’s Saringsing Writers’ Workshop sponsored by the city government and the Parasurat Bikolnon. April is also the Philippines’s “National Literature Month.” So yeah, the timing is cool.

——-

PaperCup Session

Until now I’m still mulling over the components of a young writer’s springboard. Generations change, dynamics change: we’re in a time when motivation needs reformulation. How do we convince a millenial to come out of her or his shell? When everyone feels so comfortable hiding inside the anon cave how do we gently pull them out of the shadows?

Since Ahj was a participant in the Saringsing Writers’ Workshop I was able to sit-in as an observer. I also invited some of the recent ALA core members but only two were able to show up. I read some of the works, listened to a plethora of arguments, and watched the reaction of the fellows amidst the exchange of comments from the panelists.

 

Just a reflection: though confidence is usually pushed to a young writer when it comes to igniting her or his career, I believe the person also needs the proper amount of humility. You see, we usually blame low self-esteem as the culprit to one’s non-movement. That’s [kinda] true. But for young writers, I do believe that some, if not most, are just way too proud to have their works be corrected or critiqued or outright rejected.

In the school where I work, what prevents students from getting their prose/poetry out there is the fear of criticism. When social media warps our values to cohere with PR principles, we start to have this inherent requirement of presenting ourselves as perfect, amiable individuals with spotless outputs (the selfie principle). In my class, correction marks, may they be inked red or blue or green, is already a cause for a shitload of distress, and so the students feel so anxious when invited to submit creative pieces. They avoid rejection, while some don’t want to look stupid. For them, the priority is to retain their surface status quo.

Unfortunately they never see the wisdom behind the comments and corrections. Much positivity have been given that anything which comes close to something negative is automatically shunned. Everyone seems to be a little too nice that even mediocre or subpar works are praised by instructors, and it’s totally killing the value of revision.

 

When I observed the fellows I was happy to realize that we still have young writers who showed humility to the craft, manifesting a deep amount of reverence to the altar of ink and paper. This is what the region needs. They are the future of creative writing & literature, of history & identity.

Participants (back) and panelists (front) of Saringsing Writers’ Workshop 2016

On Watching Art & Reading Films

I hesitated to screen Wong Kar-wai’s In the Mood for Love for my CW class last week despite the fact that I had already shown the flick on two previous occasions. My anxiety was rooted from two new components: that I was about to show the movie in one go (since earlier viewings were usually cut in two sessions), and the screening was set at 3PM on Saturday in an air-conditioned room. I was afraid that it was going to be a snooze fest.

I was surprised, however, when my students discreetly reacted to some parts of the flick. On my previous screenings, most of my students had been quite silent during the whole viewing experience, and somehow I couldn’t “read” what they were thinking. This time I could hear whispers at the back — as some were trying to clarify with their seatmates the slightly confusing scenes — and some spots of giggles on lighter parts were heard (though Ahj caught some nervous chuckles during critical moments–she explained that it was a way for some to “cope” with stressful situations).

All-in-all my students were able to appreciate the flick (thank god) despite technical difficulties: the LCD’s colors were off and so I had to adjust the picture for the first five minutes, and my iPad crashed twice (perhaps it couldn’t handle the infidelity happening among characters).

——

After the “kilig” (approximately translated as “giddy” [in the romantic sense]) moment– what happens next? I think our mainstream flicks, both local and international, still can’t get around the question and are even too afraid to answer it.

The local romcoms have conditioned the youth to set twisted expectations on relationships. Adding to the problem is the blurring of the line between real and reel. Just recently a reel love team have shown their leveled-up status as real-life couples, and I find the public announcement suspect. They’ve just diminished the authenticity of their intimacy.

Beyond the “kilig” lies the true challenge[s]. That’s the part where the real story unravels.

——

I believe we could still educate our students in ‘reading’ films. In an age where the youth passively consume art, there’s the need to teach them several alternative ways of absorbing a flick. Empowering them with distinct, critical ‘lenses’ heightens their viewing experience — red will be more than just a color, and the empty hallway will become more than just a setting. We need to [re]introduce this unseen depth which anyone can reflect upon. We start to once again appreciate the [trans]formative power of movies.

——

Writing Exercise 2

The idea came from a prompt posted on our FB page.

I.

She grimaced upon seeing the finished clay figure of her younger brother. A mishmash of creatures (particularly an amalgam of crab, unicorn, and bird) stood on the little boy’s palm, proudly displaying the uneven wings, twisted pincers, and bent carapace. He smiled with an incomplete set of teeth, but he didn’t care — he was proud of his opus.

She looked at her chubby hands which cupped the clay face of her late mother. She gave a dreadful sigh and crushed the thing. She picked up another soft slab of Play-Doh and started molding a new face.

She felt warm air blowing on her left ear and noticed that her little brother was looking over her shoulder. His eyes were wide open, but his mouth opened wider. She thought she saw a droplet of saliva on the side of his lips.

“Go away,” she said. “Go back to your stupid crabbie shit.”
“But it’s finished,” he said.
“I don’t care. Leave me alone!”

He left.

 

II.

This was her fifth attempt. The face remained disfigured. Her mother’s eyes were still uneven. Her cheekbones were a total wreck. Her smile was not much of a smile — but something more like half-grin.

She looked at her younger brother’s crab-unicorn-bird thing. She picked it up and threw it at the wall. She expected it to shatter, but was only disappointed to hear a blunt thud.

 

III.

She continued to gnash her as she tried to reconstruct the memory of her mother’s face for the hundredth time. Her fingers had dug deep, and were now smudged with varying clay colors of yellow, blue, and green. With her nails she tried to sculpt the nose into perfection, but the triangle bent to the left. The bangs, which needed to be wavy and smooth, looked more like patches of inflammations stuck on her forehead. Even her mother’s mouth had twisted into a full frown, as if agreeing with the girl’s frustration.

She slammed the ugly slab on the plastic table.

“Hey.”

She looked back. Her little brother had returned. This time he was carrying a glass of pineapple juice and a plate of pancakes. Was he standing there for minutes?

“For you,” he said with a faint voice.

She looked at his fingernails. They were stained with clumps of pancake mix and juice powder.

5 of 60

Goals. They’re such a pain to catch. This year I promised to redeem myself by reaching my personal quota of reading 60 books. The mark was originally set last 2015 but I was able to reach only 41. (You can check my finished list over at Goodreads)

I realized that I was aggressive during the first quarter of 2015, only to start lagging when summer  arrived. I remember it being a stressful time because Ahj and I were trying to organize this writing seminar to be held at the end of April. But hey — excuses, excuses. Let’s do this.

So here I go again, with 60 books as the set goal. Right now I’m done with 5 (with 5 being the ideal number of books to read per month), and I’m trying to finish two more before the end of the month.

Anyways, here are the books from my finished stack:

• Imagination’s Way (Gemino Abad)
• Alipato (Benilda Santos)
• Salamanca (Dean Alfar)
• Nymph of MTV (Angelo Suarez)
• The Professor’s Daughter (Joanne Sfar)

My pending list (or books I’ve yet to finish reading):

• Drone (Allan Popa)
• Si Crispin (Tony Perez)
• Quiet (Susan Cain)
• Literary Theory: An Introduction (Terry Eagleton)
• How to Read a Poem and Fall in Love with Poetry (Edward Hirsch)
• Ulysses (James Joyce) [SWEET GEEBUS I REALLY, REALLY NEED TO FINISH THIS]

I also made a resolution to read more stuff written by local authors. Just a while ago I energized myself by getting lost once again in the Filipiniana section of the library. It’s a restricted area, and only staff and faculty members could access the place (much to our convenience). There’s just so many good books on the shelves but unfortunately I think I’m the only one who bothers to go there. Such a shame actually.