This morning I wasn’t really feeling well in the office. There’s this internal, physical pain in my upper abdomen (I’m taking some meds by the way), and whenever I would feel it throbbing I would become anxious, further complicating my condition. Stress is hell.
And so to calm myself I tried writing something. Since my birthday is near (I’m turning 31 this year), I couldn’t help but be sentimental again. I’m over my days in the Metro, but I have yet to write a story based on my life there (if you would notice: some of my poems depict a nameless persona walking in an urban landscape — for me: there’s something about walking and getting lost in the chaos of the city).
Anyways, to pass the time and to ease the pain, I wrote some short entries on my Twitter account with the tag #missingmemories (they’re compiled below).
- When you’re stuck along the urban highway. Evening. The rain pounds the pavements, and water from a clogged canal overflows.
- When you wake up at 4AM due to insomnia. You look at the window and see the buildings at Ayala, full of life and stories.
- When the dorm is empty. You get some gin & sprite to make you sleep. Robbery reports have risen up. Is the door locked?
- When you search for good apartments or rooms and get frustrated because they all eat up your wage.
- When you run out of money, getting sustenance by consuming only crackers and softdrinks. Cigarettes help you forget hunger.
- When you drink alone at SaGuijo, only to get lost in the noise and crowd and chaos and nobody really cares.
- When you watch the premiere of Transformers at 12:01AM at Greenbelt and you’re not afraid walking alone towards home.
- When you try to belong in the office but you always quit every six months.
- When you attend mass at Greenbelt chapel, after that you drink your coffee & write on your journal on why you hate your job.
- When you celebrate your 21st birthday alone in some cold coffee shop. Because no one remembers and it’s totally just fine.
- When you wish to have a drink with your fellow new-grad friends but they’re also busy trying to survive the first phase of adulting.
- When you wish to cross but traffic light says no. The street is empty but you still follow. The closest thing to interaction.
- When you’re silent the entire weekend because there’s no one to talk to.
- When you think that everything is just an endless cycle of punch cards and hunger and walking and movies and comics.
- When you think you had enough. You go home, to Bikol.