Missing Memories

sampaguita

This morning I wasn’t really feeling well in the office. There’s this internal, physical pain in my upper abdomen (I’m taking some meds by the way), and whenever I would feel it throbbing I would become anxious, further complicating my condition. Stress is hell.

And so to calm myself I tried writing something. Since my birthday is near (I’m turning 31 this year), I couldn’t help but be sentimental again. I’m over my days in the Metro, but I have yet to write a story based on my life there (if you would notice: some of my poems depict a nameless persona walking in an urban landscape — for me: there’s something about walking and getting lost in the chaos of the city).

Anyways, to pass the time and to ease the pain, I wrote some short entries on my Twitter account with the tag #missingmemories (they’re compiled below).

——

 

  • When you’re stuck along the urban highway. Evening. The rain pounds the pavements, and water from a clogged canal overflows.
  • When you wake up at 4AM due to insomnia. You look at the window and see the buildings at Ayala, full of life and stories.
  • When the dorm is empty. You get some gin & sprite to make you sleep. Robbery reports have risen up. Is the door locked?
  • When you search for good apartments or rooms and get frustrated because they all eat up your wage.
  • When you run out of money, getting sustenance by consuming only crackers and softdrinks. Cigarettes help you forget hunger.
  • When you drink alone at SaGuijo, only to get lost in the noise and crowd and chaos and nobody really cares.
  • When you watch the premiere of Transformers at 12:01AM at Greenbelt and you’re not afraid walking alone towards home.
  • When you try to belong in the office but you always quit every six months.
  • When you attend mass at Greenbelt chapel, after that you drink your coffee & write on your journal on why you hate your job.
  • When you celebrate your 21st birthday alone in some cold coffee shop. Because no one remembers and it’s totally just fine.
  • When you wish to have a drink with your fellow new-grad friends but they’re also busy trying to survive the first phase of adulting.
  • When you wish to cross but traffic light says no. The street is empty but you still follow. The closest thing to interaction.
  • When you’re silent the entire weekend because there’s no one to talk to.
  • When you think that everything is just an endless cycle of punch cards and hunger and walking and movies and comics.
  • When you think you had enough. You go home, to Bikol.
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3 thoughts on “Missing Memories

  1. The more I read from you the more I think my eventual future back in the Philippines lies outside the Metro as well. The thing about street lights hits me right in the feelings.

  2. Ser Jay! I’m bookmarking your blog (and others too if I find some interesting ones) because I’m slowly getting back into writing and your personal writing projects are very motivating. Not that I’m an idea vulture or anything, but I hope you keep posting here soon.

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